Late Night Confession
by AnnaMorrison
Summary: One dramatic event, two possible versions of the outcome. When Tony falls into shock after a brutal case and disappeares, what will the others do to help him when he turns up? And in what psychical condition it would be? Please leave a review.
1. Ziva

_AN: Hi everyone! I'm here again with another story, this time it's a NCIS fanfic. There are two people I'd like to leave a thank you to - first it's LD100, my dear sister in everything but blood who kind of forced me to write this story (in a good way, really). The second's my no less loved Drama-Duchess, my lovely beta who's always there to help me with my fics. This story would not have been here without them._

_So, to the story. I wanted to write a story about Ziva dealing with Tony's sadness and sorrows after a bad case. That's what this chapter is about. Then, my friend LD100 asked me to rewrite her this fic with Gibbs at Ziva's place, so I did and that's going to be the second chapter. I will post it soon. This story is composed of two chapters, each one is one single version of one single night, after one single case._

_Enjoy!_

**_Ziva_**

The doorbell rang at 3:41 am. Ziva David had always been somewhat of a night owl. The job called for it. Being an NCIS agent had its quirks and that meant being on "stand by" 24/7. Ziva was wide awake. She got up from her armchair and answered the door. Somehow, the impatient, constant ringing of her doorbell gave away at the identity of her nightly guest. There was really only one person that came to mind who would be so comically persistent. She hoped her neighbors weren't light sleepers.

When Ziva opened the door, her suspicions were confirmed. NCIS Agent Anthony DiNozzo was standing there holding his head with one hand and cranking up the doorbell button with the other. From the way his shoulders hung, bloodshot eyes, and the smell of fresh booze on his breath, she knew he'd been drinking and heavily at it. He didn't seem completely wasted, but drunk enough to leave him staggering and incoherent. It didn't surprise Ziva one bit.

Ziva knew what led Tony to this. After all, he was the first agent on the scene the day before. It was a split-second decision. However, the girl would not have died if he stopped the bullet with his body.

* * *

_Singl__e gunshot. A few seconds of silence. Then three more shots were fired. Upon the last shot, Gibbs, Ziva, and McGee snapped out of their trances and ran towards the direction the shots were heard. It was a series of twists and turns before they reached the source of the sound. Tony was already there. He was on his hands and knees trying desperately to resuscitate the girl. The girl, who had been held captive in the cellar, was bleeding out from the gunshot wound. Blood was everywhere. Tony was soaked to the bone with it. McGee's effort to help the situation also resulted in soiling his clothes. Gibbs checked on the suspect, who had been shot dead by Tony._

_Ziva radioed for emergency medical assistance but somehow she knew the child wasn't going to make it. Young Alice's life vanished before the call even ended. Hearing the poor child's suffocating final breath touched the faces of her two unsuccessful saviors. _

_Tony stayed there for the longest time, thinking over and over why he hadn't done more to save her life. He hadn't risen to his feet until the medical examiner arrived. Dr. Mallard, or better known as 'Ducky', was prompt at the crime scene. With Palmer and McGee's help, they gently convinced Tony to leave so the medical examiner could do his job. They all saw the self-hatred and anger burning in Tony's empty eyes. Tony just wasn't Tony anymore. _

_The six of them, including Palmer and Abby, vowed to keep an eye on Tony from that moment on. But he was not going to let his co-workers baby-sit him. They were smothering him with way too much attention and he needed to get out of there. He needed air. Tony made a plan and sneaked out of the office. That was hours ago._

* * *

"Sorry." Tony's voice was hollow. It lacked its usual warmth and smoothness.

"It's okay," Ziva replied, not sure what he was apologizing for…unless it was for their endless worrying for the last several hours. When they realized Tony escaped right from under their noses, they searched everywhere for him – his hangouts and favorite places, bars all across town. They repeatedly called his cell phone, only to get the usual chirpy, "You have reached Tony DiNozzo. Leave it at the beep. Thanks." In a way, Ziva was glad to see Tony at her doorstep.

"I woke you?" Tony mumbled. His lost eyes finally found her.

"No. I wasn't asleep." She stepped aside to let him in, but he didn't move. He just stood there watching her. His expression was nearly comical, like as if he saw her for the first time in his life.

"Come in," she said. When he didn't move, she pulled him inside. After closing the door, Ziva turned around to find Tony still in his overcoat. She began unbuttoning his coat.

"You're way too quick for me tonight." Tony slurred but stood quite still with the help of the wall behind him.

"Don't get your hopes up." She smirked. She had no intention of sleeping with him that night, especially not when he's drunk and in the wrong frame of mind.

She saw he hadn't changed his shirt. It was the same pale blue button front shirt stained with dried blood.

"Can I stay?" He asked almost apologetically, as if he was ashamed for not being able to walk straight or drive home or simply not wanting to be alone.

"Sure," Ziva smiled at him. "You need a shower. Bathroom is the first door on the right."

"Yeah," Tony nodded lightly and slowly made his way towards the bathroom.

"Tony," Ziva called. He turned around. "Your shirt. It's covered in blood. Give it to me. I'll soak it for you so we can get the stain out."

"Alright," Tony made an attempt to undo his shirt, but then he stopped. "Oh wait, no spare clothes."

"That's okay," Ziva told him and went quickly to her bedroom. A few seconds later she returned with a clean shirt and sweat pants. "It belonged to Michael. I kinda kept it…" She said, her voice trailing off. "Well, he didn't wear it very often." She brushed the feeling aside hoping Tony hadn't noticed anything.

To her relief, Tony accepted the clothes and handed Ziva his bloody shirt. "Thank you," he told her and hesitated before approaching her.

She didn't refuse the strong arm around her waist or the butterfly kiss on her forehead, which came just a mere second later. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he whispered before disappearing in the bathroom.

Ziva spent the next ten minutes standing by the bathroom door just listening to the sound of running of water. She had to make sure Tony was alright. When he came out some minutes later, he found Ziva waiting for him by the door. Somehow, she understood what Tony was going through. There were no crude jokes, no bickering, nor anything immature they'd do around each other on a normal day. That night, she was just there to be his friend.

She led him to the couch. There, he lied down and waited for her to come back with a blanket. Ziva spread the blanket over her colleague. Tony was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. And the excessive drinking didn't help things either. Sitting next to Tony on the sofa, Ziva stroked his hair and watched him finally fall asleep.

When she was sure he was deep in his slumber, she reached for her cell phone. Careful not to wake Tony, she dialed the number. The dial tone rang three times before the person on the other line picked up.

"Gibbs." The voice of her boss said sternly.

"It's Ziva," she whispered. "Tony's here. He arrived twenty minutes ago."

"How is he?" Gibbs asked with concern.

"Right now, asleep," Ziva answered. "A bit drunk, self-loathing, angry and confused, I think. He appears to be in some sort of shock. But he's DiNozzo. He'll bounce back."

"Yea, I know." Gibbs sighed. "I'll call the others. Sleep would do all of us some good about now."

"Sure. It's been a long day." Ziva replied. She was grateful they had the weekend off. "Good night, Gibbs."

"Sleep well Ziva," Gibbs said and ended the call.

Tony stirred in his sleep and Ziva continued stroking his hair. The gentle stroking seemed to soothe him. Sleep was doing him good. He appeared more relaxed and even the unhealthy pale color was slowly leaving his face.

Ziva switched the lights off and got a blanket from her bed. She couldn't leave him alone in the state that he was in. She wanted to be near him, to watch over him. Besides, she owed him. After all, it was he who proposed the mission to Somalia to rescue her. He knew it was a suicide mission, but he did it anyway. It was because he couldn't live without her.

Their last meeting was a violent one. She remembered knocking him to the ground with no care to his broken arm in a sling. But Tony was forgiving. Regardless of the fact that he got hurt while trying to protect her, being held at gunpoint, thrown into false accusations, desertions, betrayals, he still managed to pull through and rescue her. Tony was always there for her. He had her back and she knew now that the feeling was mutual.

_End of Chapter 1_


	2. Gibbs

_Hey folks! I wish all of you Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, and my gift to you is this second chapter/alternative version of the first chapter of my story. Again, my thanks go to LD100 and Drama-Duchess, two wonderful girls without whom this story would never see the daylight. They're my never-sleeping whisperers and inspirations, even though the lond physical distances among us. There's a few words from me to you in the end of this chapter, as it's supposed to be the end of this story._

_Enjoy!_

**_Gibbs_**

The ever-present sound of a sander rubbing the wooden ribs of a soon-to-be boat worked wonders on Gibbs' nerves way more than any tranquilizer pill could. Working on his boat gave him a distraction. It cleared his mind and kept his hands busy. Most single people had hot dates on a Friday night. Having been married four times, he didn't find a meaning for courtship anymore. Love wasn't easy for Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He often spent his weekend nights with a cold bottle of beer and a sander.

Right then, all he wanted was to be out searching for his subordinate. But he knew they'd be better off staying in one place then to scour the city for a reckless Tony. Knowing Tony, he would eventually find his way to one of their homes. Though, Gibbs figured it would be highly unlikely that Tony should end up at Ducky's house, judging from what happened last time he was there. Ducky's overbearing and senile mother was a bit much for Tony to handle. He couldn't take the threats and abuse of the old woman. Gibbs asked Ducky and Palmer to check for Tony at a few bars that Tony liked to linger around. Feeling compassionate about the whole situation, Abby promised to pray for both the dead girl's soul and for Tony's safety.

A light scratching at the top of the wooden staircase warned Gibbs someone was present. However, he continued sanding the piece of wood he was working on. There was no need for alarm because he had a hunch on the identity of his late visitor. Coming down the stairs undetected proved to be ineffective and the footsteps against the creaky wood caused a much louder sound than expected.

"You okay, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked when his visitor reached the last step. "You break your neck or something?"

"I wish," Tony answered numbly.

Gibbs set the sander down and approached his Senior Field Agent, who sat with his head in his hands on the last step. Gibbs didn't like the vulnerable look that Tony wore. They all had bad days. This was just one of Tony's extremely bad days. He blamed himself for the death of a seventeen-year-old girl. He wanted so desperately to save her life and make a difference, but instead, she died in his arms.

When DiNozzo took off, Gibbs asked McGee to contact Tony's latest girlfriend. Perhaps Tony had sought refugee there or maybe she knew where Tony might go. But her heated reply didn't please Gibbs one bit. In fact, it made him worry even more.

Miss Nash informed Gibbs that she had broken up with Tony that morning. Apparently, Tony wanted to secure their growing relationship. They had been dating nearly 4 months and Tony felt a real connection to this woman and was convinced that they were meant to be together. However, Miss Nash had no intentions of settling down at all. In fact, she was increasingly weary of Tony and felt he was dragging her down. She expressed to Gibbs that it was "fun and exciting" to date a NCIS agent in the beginning but after a while, things just got tiresome, old and repetitive. She was young and had about ten years on her before even considering tying the knot.

Gibbs knew Tony must've taken the blow pretty hard. He knew about Tony's commitment issues and the painful heartbreak he suffered after the whole La Grenouille fiasco. This was Jeanne Benoit all over again. Three years has passed since that day. Tony often described himself as a slow learner, which was something his father forced him to believe as a child. The truth was that Tony was an extremely slow healer. Three years after and the thought of Benoit dumping him, with nothing but a very short Dear John letter (yes, Gibbs knew about that one, too), still hurt like it was yesterday. Tony didn't need another failed relationship. He was losing everything – first the kidnapped girl and now his girlfriend.

Gibbs reached into his mini-refrigerator, pulled out a bottle and handed it over to Tony. "No, Boss. Please. I know I shouldn't have drunk so much. I don't need to hear the sober 101 lecture right now."

Gibbs smirked at the memory of a night almost ten years ago, when he caught DiNozzo slightly drunk while on call. Fortunately, there were no cases that weekend, but when Gibbs saw his agent swaying on his feet, he took him to his basement. Gibbs handed a young DiNozzo, drink after drink. A naïve and unsuspecting younger man, who was used to drinking nothing but beer, soon got hammered as Gibbs was feeding him shots of ass-kicking bourbon. After Tony drunk himself into oblivion, he passed out on the basement floor. The next morning, Gibbs woke him at 4 am military style and made him go to work. Tony spent nearly ten hours hunched over his desk with a terrible hangover, wishing somebody would shoot him in the head and put him out of his misery. After that, he swore never to drink on duty again (a golden rule he'd never broken) and also never to drink with Gibbs again (a golden rule he would break only occasionally). He stayed away from bourbon ever since that memorable day.

"Don't worry," Gibbs said. "It's soda. 'Sides, you're not on duty right now." He then pulled out his cell phone to make a call.

"McGee." Gibbs said into the phone. "No need to look for Tony tonight."

"You found him?" McGee asked with a surprised tone.

"Well, not exactly. He sorta found me." Gibbs answered sarcastically.

"Oh, ok. That's good. Is he alright?" Timothy McGee stammered.

"He will be." Gibbs always had a habit of keeping answers short and sweet.

"I'll let the others know." McGee said. He caught the hint of sureness in his boss' tone. Gibbs would have a man to man talk with Tony. "Good night, Boss."

"Night, McGee." Gibbs ended the call and turned to Tony, who was sipping soda.

"You conducted a search party?" The younger man asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah," Gibbs replied. "You gave us quite a scare, you know."

"Sorry," Tony murmured. He just realized he broke two of Gibbs' rules already - #10 (Never get personally involved in a case) and #12 (Never say you're sorry because it's a sign of weakness). He cringed and half-expected to feel his boss' palm slap the back of his head, but it never came.

"At ease soldier." Gibbs said in a joking sort of way. He was actually a little angry with Tony, but seeing his agent's pain and knowing that he was actually aware of his mistake, he didn't feel the need to lecture Tony. "But you run off like that without telling anyone again and I'll head-slap you all the way into the new century."

"Okay," Tony half smiled, but then he turned serious again. "I'm really sorry, Boss. I shouldn't have left... but... I couldn't bear it. I need some fresh air, space to breathe. I know it's a sign of weakness, but I..."

"Shut it, DiNozzo," Gibbs sighed. "I know everything. I know about your girlfriend. It's tough and life's a bitch sometimes. I know how you feel right now. But you've got to accept the girl's -"

"Alice," Tony corrected him immediately. "Alice Bradbury. Blonde, blue eyes, 5' 3'', 121 pounds, high school student. Mother - Jane Bradbury, office clerk. Father - Thomas Bradbury, Lieutenant Colonel, currently stationed in Iraq. Two brothers, a cat and three rats. Would turn eighteen next month. Had a boyfriend named..." Tony stared right forward as he recited the profile.

Tony suddenly felt a soft tap on the back of his head. He stopped talking and looked straight at Gibbs. "Thanks, Boss. I needed that."

"Alice's death was not your fault. Blaming yourself is not the answer. You're gonna have to accept it."

"I could've saved her. I could've done something more." Tony said.

"Really?" Gibbs questioned. "You sure about that?"

"Positive. I should've gone about it differently. Maybe if I hadn't bent down and took the bullet, she'd still be alive..."

"You'd be dead. And she would be crying with her family, thinking that you died because of her. We would be one man short again." Gibbs took another sip of his beer as the memories flooded back.

* * *

_The suspect was dead. Three shots, one beneath the right clavicle, two in the left from the sternum. Clean shots, Gibbs thought. One of the bullets exited the suspect's body, creating a medium velocity blood splatter on the wall behind him. He was still holding onto his revolver when he expired._

_McGee and Tony were kneeling on the ground. Tim was laying the girl's head down so she could breathe. Tony was pushing his hands to the wound in the middle of the girl's chest, trying to stop the bleeding. Gibbs saw similar wounds like this before. She was a goner. The bullet hit an artery and it was a matter of seconds before she bled to death. Gibbs allowed Ziva to call an ambulance. _

"_Alice? Alice, can you hear me?" Tony called to the girl. This was bad. Even McGee had the remorseful look on his face, indicating that it was over. Tony, however, was in denial. He was still hoping._

"_Hold on, Alice. You'll make it. You'll be fine," he kept saying her in soft voice, like as if he was whispering to a lover. He slapped her face gently when her eyes rolled into her skull. "No, Alice! Stay with me! Do you hear me? Stay! Don't die on me! Alice! Please…"_

_It was useless. No matter how hard Tony tried to save the girl, she died all the same. He never meant for her to end up in a body bag. _

_Gibbs stepped away and called Ducky. "I need you to come here."_

_There was a brief silence on the receiving end of the call, before the old doctor asked, "Is it poor young Miss Bradbury?"_

"_Yeah, Duck. And the suspect too." Gibbs took a quick glance back at the scene. Tony was still __hovering beside the dead girl. His left hand was cradling her cheek while his right hand was still on the wound in her chest. He seemed totally oblivious to the rest of the world. McGee and Ziva were standing over him, both with worried expressions on their faces. "I also need you to check on Tony."_

"_What happened to dear Anthony?" Ducky inquired._

"_She died in his arms," Gibbs murmured. "He hasn't moved from his spot. He's pretty shaken up."_

"_I will be there in a little while."_

_Ducky was truthful to his words and arrived about fifteen minutes later. He discussed Tony's traumatic state with the rest of the team and suggested them to keep an eye on him for the next few days. As we know, that plan didn't quite work out.

* * *

_

"She was way too young to die." Tony sighed. "But then again, so was Kate."

"Kate knew the risks of the job," Gibbs said. "Even then, there wasn't anything anyone could've done."

That memory was so intense. One minute they were on the rooftop joking around and the next, Kate took a bullet to the middle of her forehead. There was no warning. It left DiNozzo standing there blankly with guns in his hand. The sniper was nowhere to be found and Tony was covered in Kate's blood mixed with skull fragments and brain matter. He had a look of total surprise, shock, and denial on his face. He couldn't comprehend what had happened. He took it hard. He still did.

"I had plans with Kate," Tony mumbled out of the blue. "I was going to ask her out, you know. But things happened. I contracted the plague, then the explosion kind of delayed it... and that bastard Ari pretty much ruined everything."

Gibbs realized that Tony was either more drunk that he looked or really lonely and desperate. It wasn't like Tony to admit his feelings, especially those about Kate. Tony was not one to confess to anyone, not even Gibbs.

But it was pretty obvious to Gibbs that Tony had feelings for Kate. Underneath the brother-sister cat fights, they seemed to be perfect for each other. Gibbs also knew about Tony's feeling for Paula Cassidy, also deceased. Tony half-heartedly joked about it being a trend that people tend to die around him, especially those he were close to. He covered up the hurt pretty well.

Tony didn't try to disguise his feelings for Ziva anymore. There was a special bond between them that kept growing deeper and stronger. It has been so for the last year. But Tony never really admitted it. It was more likely that hell should freeze over before Tony would openly admit his feelings for Ziva or for anyone else for that matter. It took a lot to uncork the bottle that held all these emotions in Tony DiNozzo.

"Why don't you get some sleep, DiNozzo? Help yourself to the guestroom upstairs." Gibbs told him. "Can you walk the stairs up on your own?"

"Absolutely," Tony nodded, but almost fell down the moment he got up. Gibbs barely caught him. "Well, maybe not," Tony said sheepishly and allowed Gibbs to help him up.

"Thanks, Boss. I – I just didn't want to disappoint you…"

"When are you gonna learn, DiNozzo? You can't disappoint me. It's not in the DiNozzo blood." Gibbs said as he patted the younger man's cheek almost affectionately.

"Hey Boss, no need to spare my feelings," Tony joked, but Gibbs saw that his agent was touched. "I know you hate it when I get drunk. It's not a pretty sight."

"Important thing is that I _am_ proud of you." Gibbs interrupted. "You'd better hit the sack before I get all sensitive on you."

"Naw, one kiss is enough," Tony jested with a wave of his hand and made his way into the guestroom. Gibbs smiled at Tony's sarcasm.

Tony saved Gibbs' life. Gibbs never forgot it. He remembered the ice cold water rising as the car sank deeper and deeper into the river. At the time, even Gibbs, who was so headstrong and courageous, lost all hope. But Tony never gave up. There was a fire in him that didn't settle for less. He had to prove to himself and everyone else that certain things were possible. That was Tony. After the deaths of Gibbs' wife and daughter, Gibbs always felt something missing in his life. He was something short of a family. But he realized how much of a family he already had - his team.

After seeing DiNozzo up the stairs, Gibbs went back to sanding the wooden rib of his boat. He worked on it for another twenty minutes before calling it a night. He checked on DiNozzo, who was fast asleep on the bed in his guestroom. Gibbs was not the fussy type. He was a soldier and a damned good marine. But he felt he needed to look out for Tony. Something about Tony reminded him of his younger self. There was a connection there somewhere. Taking Gibbs was never obvious about taking Tony under his wing, but the compassion was always there. Covered with an old Marine Corps blanket Gibbs kept from his tour in the Red Gulf during Desert Storm, Tony looked relaxed and peaceful.

Tony was so exhausted that he neglected to turn off the lights. Gibbs flipped the switch off and shut the door. As Gibbs entered his own room, he let out a deep sigh of relief that he'd been holding in for a long time. Tony was going to be fine within time. Gibbs understood the trauma and the emotions that went through Tony's mind. He'd been there too many times himself.

Tony is strong, he will pull through.

_End_

_I was thinking about writing more chapters - for example with Abby or Tim McGee in places of Ziva or Gibbs. What do you think?_

_Please leave a review!_


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